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Jan 21, 2022
Every January I want to run away.
The holidays were tough. I lost my brother. And a dear woman friend. Both left us way too soon. As I write this, those words cut deep into my soul. My heart cries. My body aches.
In this month that never seems to end, I put myself in unconscious states to weather the tide.
Whether I’m watching a film, sipping a beverage, or just floating through the to-do list of work stuff, I muddle my way through this liminal space.
I wake up way too early. The wee hour forces me to take a step back and ask …. Why?
Why do I consciously step into those places that take me out of my mindful state?
My soul work nudges me to wake up. To pay attention to what is and converse with it and in those acts, find a better ending. Or a more meaningful one. Meanwhile, those unconscious parts of me are in the wings waiting patiently for slivers of light to sparkle through me.
I ponder…can I just point my darkness toward the light?
Must I go down the spiral and be unkind to my body in hopes of nourishing…what,
my brain? Some of the mindless tasks I deem so important?
It’s 2 a.m. and I’m awakening to my cries for healing, the demand to simply stay present to this state without self-judgment.
In all my moods of grief, confusion, silliness, I yearn for stillness.
I look out and see the moon in its waxing gibbous phase. It’s working its way to fullness. A reminder to me of where I am. I marvel at how my own journey mirrors the moon phase.
Working my way toward illumination. No, it’s not brain work. Like my camera I use to photograph those mindful moments, I open my heart, my soul, to what’s right in front of me. I open the door to my own cup of approaching fullness. I feel my heart warming.
How about you? Can you hold your own shadow to the light? It might just be a step toward a luscious new year.
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